2016 Formula 1 season, week 10
At some point in the last week, I'm sure Toto Wolff and Niki Lauda and others are in a meeting, discussing "how the hell do we keep these guys from crashing the fuck into each other?", and Lauda says "Hang on a sec, I got an idea", and pulls out his phone and presses a strange number of buttons. "Yeah, God? It's me. You owe me one. No, I don't want anything big. Just, like, five minutes of heavy rain starting around the formation lap. Cool? Thanks." Everyone in the meeting laughs nervously at the crazy old man.

And then, on Sunday, the rain comes. Everybody spins, but only the Manors irretrievably so. Both Renaults eat a transmission, as does Grosjean. Ericsson eats a motor. Williams, McLaren, and the remaining Sauber and Haas have terrible days.

And everybody else has a race, except Hamilton, who just drives away. Silverstone is mostly high-speed corners with a few straights between 'em, so the teams with both legs AND downforce dominate: the top ten are the lead-lap cars, two each of Mercedes, Red Bull, Ferrari, Force India, and Toro Rosso. And Max gets a bigger trophy because Nico got a bigger radio message.

Competing for the championship, barring them continuing to crash into each other:
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 168 (5 wins, 6 podiums)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 167 (4 wins, 7 podiums)

The field:
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 106 (4 podiums)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 100 (1 podium)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 98 (5 podiums, in 9 starts)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso>Red Bull): 90 (1 win, 3 podiums)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 54 (1 podium)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 47 (2 podiums)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 38
Romain Grosjean (Haas): 28
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 26
Carlos Sainz, Jr. (Toro Rosso): 26
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull>Toro Rosso): 23 (1 podium, in 9 starts)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 18 (in 9 starts)
Jenson Button (McLaren): 13
Kevin Magnussen (Renault): 6
Pascal Wehrlein (Manor): 1 (2 DFLs - both of the races Haryanto did not finish)
Stoffel Vandoorne (McLaren): 1 (in 1 start)
Esteban Gutiérrez (Haas): 0 (7 finishes, best 11th, 1 DFL)
Jolyon Palmer (Renault): 0 (6 finishes in 9 starts, best 11th, 1 DFL)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 0 (6 finishes, best 12th)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 0 (8 finishes, best 12th)
Rio Haryanto (Manor): 0 (7 finishes, best 15th, 6 DFLs)

Prior to the race, somebody at Ferrari said "we're not racing Red Bull, we're racing Mercedes". Not this week, guys.

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2016 Formula 1 season, week 9
I was out of town and missed the race when it happened, and got it on the Tivo a couple days late. Lots of stuff to unpack here. First, the Mercedes guys really need to figure out how to stop crashing into each other. Second: Button, Grosjean, and Pascal Wehrlein(?!). Third: this is three races out of the last four where Kvyat's wheels have literally come off. Then: another tyre explosion, and a whole bunch of kerbs blowing up suspension parts. Lastly (and I do mean lastly) Rio Haryanto, which is all the more depressing, given #2.

Competing for the championship, barring them continuing to crash into each other:
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 153 (5 wins, 5 podiums)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 142 (3 wins, 6 podiums)

The field:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 96 (5 podiums, in 8 starts)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 96 (4 podiums)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 88 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso/Red Bull): 72 (1 win, 2 podiums)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 54 (1 podium)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 39 (2 podiums)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 38
Romain Grosjean (Haas): 28
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull/Toro Rosso): 22 (1 podium, in 8 starts)
Carlos Sainz, Jr. (Toro Rosso): 22
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 20
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 18 (in 8 starts)
Jenson Button (McLaren): 13
Kevin Magnussen (Renault): 6
Pascal Wehrlein (Manor): 1 (2 DFLs - both of the races Haryanto did not finish)
Stoffel Vandoorne (McLaren): 1 (in 1 start)
Esteban Gutiérrez (Haas): 0 (7 finishes, best 11th)
Jolyon Palmer (Renault): 0 (6 finishes in 8 starts, best 11th, 1 DFL)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 0 (6 finishes, best 12th)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 0 (8 finishes, best 12th)
Rio Haryanto (Manor): 0 (7 finishes, best 15th, 6 DFLs)

At this point, it's hard to tell whether the Sauber or the Manor is the more terrible car, but it is clear that Haryanto is the more terrible driver. Halfway through the season, things are beginning to sort themselves out. There's an interesting race between 1 and 2, that depends on strategy and not being stupid. There's an interesting race for 3-through-6 between world champions in red and goofy upstarts in blue. Team-wise, Williams and Force India again seem to have 4th and 5th locked out, respectively. And after that, there's all kinds of interesting racing between the STRs, the McLarens, and the Haasen. I'd say something about Renault and Sauber, but neither of them ever do anything important enough to get on TV, so I know nothing.

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2016 Formula 1 season, week 8
I kinda flaked on these for the last couple months. It just hasn't seemed important. I've been a little bummed out, and I got sucked back into Warcraft again, so I've had plenty of other things to eat my time. But these are important to me, because they give me a glimpse into my thinking at this particular point in the season. So, I'm going to pick this up again, and keep doing them.

For the last 2-1/2 years, Mercedes dominance has been singular. Prior to that, Sebastian Vettel's four consecutive championships for Red Bull were marked by competition that usually went pretty late into the season, but for the last two years, it's been Mercedes vs. the field, and you were a fool to take the field. It hasn't been close.

That's changing. Both Ferrari and Red Bull are starting to figure it out, and Mercedes dominance this year is due at least in part to unreliability and strategic miscues by the other two as much as it has been having a better car. The winds of change are coming.

But will they come fast enough for someone to alter the outcome of this season?

...yeah, I'm gonna go with 'no'.

Competing for the championship, barring some kind of epic shitfuck on their part or some great leap forward on someone else's:
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 141 (5 wins, 5 podiums)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 117 (2 wins, 5 podiums)

The field:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 96 (5 podiums, in 7 starts)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 81 (3 podiums)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 78 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso/Red Bull): 54 (1 win, 1 podium)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 52 (1 podium)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 39 (2 podiums)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 38
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull/Toro Rosso): 22 (1 podium, in 7 starts)
Romain Grosjean (Haas): 22
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 20
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 18 (in 7 starts)
Carlos Sainz, Jr. (Toro Rosso): 18
Kevin Magnussen (Renault): 6
Jenson Button (McLaren): 5
Stoffel Vandoorne (McLaren): 1 (in 1 start)
Esteban Gutiérrez (Haas): 0 (6 finish, best 11th)
Jolyon Palmer (Renault): 0 (5 finishes in 7 starts, best 11th, 1 DFL)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 0 (5 finishes, best 12th)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 0 (7 finishes, best 12th)
Pascal Wehrlein (Manor): 0 (7 finishes, best 13th, 2 DFLs - both of the races Haryanto did not finish)
Rio Haryanto (Manor): 0 (6 finishes, best 15th, 5 DFLs)

The tightening of competition even extends to the backmarkers. Wehrlein's Manor has finished ahead of a Sauber (Nasr, 3 times), a Force India (Hulkenberg, in Bahrain), a Haas (Grosjean in China), and Renault (Palmer in China). And although the car has gained about four seconds over last year's pace, it's still the turd of the field, and his success is probably due more to him being a brilliant driver. Compare with Haryanto, who has only ever once beaten another car on the track, finishing just ahead of Jolyon Palmer in China.

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2016 Formula 1 season, week 3
This had all the makings of an interesting race, but by the third turn of the first lap, it was a completely different interesting race. The processional nature of F1 is due to qualifying doing a pretty good job of putting the fast guys at the front and the slow guys at the back. ...unless it rains. Rain fucks up everything. But this race had Hamilton starting at the back.

And then there was a huge demolition derby in the first turn, and Hamilton, Vettel, Raikkonen, Grosjean, and Nasr were all at the back. So there was drama all up and down the order, and at one point, Pascal Wehrlein was in fourth place.

This race confirmed that, while enough parity has been achieved that on any given day anybody can score points, the real class of the field are Mercedes, Ferrari, and Red Bull. With the exception of Rosberg, the other five of those guys all had to drive like hell. Hamilton finished 7th in a wounded car, the other five of those guys were the top five.

Competing for the championship, barring some kind of epic shitfuck on their part or some great leap forward on someone else's:
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 75 (3 wins, 3 podiums)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 39 (2 podiums)

The field:
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 36
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 33 (2 podiums, in 2 starts)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 28 (1 podium)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 22
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 21 (1 podium, in 2 starts)
Romain Grosjean (Haas): 18
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 13
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 7
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 6
Carlos Sainz, Jr. (Toro Rosso): 4
Stoffel Vandoorne (McLaren): 1 (in 1 start)
Kevin Magnussen (Renault): 0 (3 finishes, best 11th)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 0 (3 finishes, best 11th)
Jolyon Palmer (Renault): 0 (2 finishes in 2 starts, best 11th, 1 DFL)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 0 (2 finishes, best 12th)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 0 (1 finish in 2 starts, 12th)
Jenson Button (McLaren): 0 (2 finishes, best 13th)
Pascal Wehrlein (Manor): 0 (3 finishes, best 13th, 1 DFL)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 0 (3 finishes, best 14th)
Esteban Gutiérrez (Haas): 0 (1 finish, 14th)
Rio Haryanto (Manor): 0 (2 finishes, best 17th, 1 DFL)

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2016 Formula 1 season, week 2
This was a great race, and it's becoming apparent that the field has compressed quite a bit, although Mercedes are still half a second faster than anybody else. There were stories all up and down the grid, and even though it was unusually high-attrition for Bahrain, there were some surprises not accounted for by that alone, like:
- Haas, having gone from "we'd like to finish the race" prior to Australia, to "we can't hope for performance this good" after finishing sixth there, finished fifth this time. They're for real.
- the Williams, in 2nd and 3rd at the first turn, managed to finish 8th & 9th even after some demolition derby and a drive-thru penalty
- Stoffel Vandorne, driving the McLaren for the third day he'd ever been in the car, finished in the points (...WAT)
- Magnussen, starting from the back (again) finished 11th (AGAIN?)
- Pascal Wehrlein in a Manor finished ahead of a Sauber and both Force Indias (WAT?)

Competing for the championship, barring some kind of epic shitfuck on their part or some great leap forward on someone else's:
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 50 (2 wins, 2 podiums)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 33 (2 podiums)

The field:
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 24
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 18 (1 podium)
Romain Grosjean (Haas): 18
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 15 (1 podium, in 1 start)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 14
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 9
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 6
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 6 (in 1 start)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 6
Carlos Sainz, Jr. (Toro Rosso): 2
Stoffel Vandoorne (McLaren): 1 (in 1 start)
Kevin Magnussen (Renault): 0 (2 finishes, best 11th)
Jolyon Palmer (Renault): 0 (1 finish in 1 start, 11th)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 0 (1 finish, 12th)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 0 (2 finishes, best 13th)
Pascal Wehrlein (Manor): 0 (2 finishes, best 13th, DFL)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 0 (2 finishes, best 14th)
Jenson Button (McLaren): 0 (1 finish, 14th)
Rio Haryanto (Manor): 0 (1 finish, 17th, DFL)
Esteban Gutiérrez (Haas): 0 (0 finishes in 2 starts)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 0 (0 finishes in 1 start)

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2016 Formula 1 season, week 1
The first race of the year is always a both a reliability crapshoot and a demolition derby, and I've said before that you can't really draw any conclusions from it. I was quite surprised that the NBCSN announcing team was uniformly ready to coronate Lewis Hamilton as this year's champion, before the racing even started. I don't think it's possible to know that with any confidence for at least three or four more races. But Mercedes and Ferrari do again look like the class of the field, and Vettel was one strategy mistake away from winning this race, and one bad pit stop away from second, so I think somebody from one of those two teams is probably it.

Down the rest of the field, everybody is both much better AND much closer. Except for Manor, they're still the dog's ass. Both Haas and McLaren were having really good days, until Alonso hit Gutiérrez and joined Weber in the I've-Been-Upside-Down club. Still, the 6th for Grosjean is the most impressive start by a new team since Mika Salo finished 6th in this same race in Toyota's F1 debut back in 2002. Hopefully the rest of their season goes better than the rest of Toyota's did.

Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 25 (1 win, 1 podium)
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 18 (1 podium)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 15 (1 podium)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 12
Felipe Massa (Williams): 10
Romain Grosjean (Haas): 8
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 6
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 4
Carlos Sainz, Jr. (Toro Rosso): 2
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 1
Jolyon Palmer (Renault): 0 (1 finish, 11th)
Kevin Magnussen (Renault): 0 (1 finish, 12th)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 0 (1 finish, 13th)
Jenson Button (McLaren): 0 (1 finish, 14th)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 0 (1 finish, 15th)
Pascal Wehrlein (Manor): 0 (1 finish, 16th, DFL)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 0 (1 start)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 0 (1 start)
Rio Haryanto (Manor): 0 (1 start)
Esteban Gutiérrez (Haas): 0 (1 start)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 0 (1 start)
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 0

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Go ahead, call me elitist...
...but I think that, if you fall for the "Mark Zukerberg is giving away a squillion dollars to anyone who reposts this", you probably shouldn't have a concealed weapon.

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2015 F1 Season, Week 19
On paper, there were two surprises in this race: Valteri's unsafe release and Maldonado crashing out and it was somebody else's fault this time. Those were the only guy in the top 10 that didn't finish in the points, and the only retirement, respectively. But the otherwise neat follow-the-leader-ness of the race was spoiled by Vettel, driving from 15th to 4th, and Grosjean, from 18th to 9th, so there were still some interesting bits at the end of a season of interesting bits.

FINAL DRIVER STANDINGS
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 381 (10 wins, 17 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 322 (6 wins, 16 podiums)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 278 (3 wins, 13 podiums)
THE REST OF THE FIELD: 55 avg (0 wins, 11 podiums total)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 150 (3 podiums)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 136 (2 podiums, in 18 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 121 (2 podiums)
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 95 (1 podium, in 18 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 92 (2 podiums)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 78 (1 podium)
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 58 (in 18 starts)
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 51 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 49
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 27 (best 5th, in 18 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 27 (best 7th)
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 18
Jenson Button (McLaren): 16 (in 18 starts, 1 DFL when no Manors started)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 18 starts)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (12 finishes in 13 starts, best 12th, 7 DFLs, 5-5 head-to-head against Stevens)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (5 finishes in 5 starts, best 12th, 2 DFLs, 3-1 against Stevens)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (14 finishes in 17 starts, best 13th, 9 DFLs)

END-OF-YEAR-AWARDS:
- Worst engine manufacturer trophy: Honda - Somebody shoot that thing and put it out of our misery
- Worst reliability: Lotus - faster than Force India head-to-head, still lost to 'em
- Worst driver: Marcus Ericsson - this year's boat anchor, narrowly stealing the spot from Maldonado
- Dead Fucking Last Champion: Will Stevens, narrowly beating Merhi
- Deconstructor's Trophy: McLaren-Honda - good luck getting your shit together, guys

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2015 F1 Season, Week 18
The interesting thing about this race was how relatively uninteresting it was. Usually, Brazil has rain that fucks up everything. In this race, the first six spots sorted themselves out by the third corner and pretty much stayed that way after that, even through all of the pit rotations. Although there was some diceyness further back in the field (Verstappen was a crazy person, for example) and after the race, Massa got jobbed by a tire blanket, awarding a point to Pastor Maldonado.

THIS YEAR'S CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPION:
This year's driver's champion, Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 363 (10 wins, 16 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 297 (5 wins, 14 podiums)

2ND:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 266 (3 wins, 13 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 135 (2 podiums)

THIRD:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 136 (2 podiums, in 17 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 117 (2 podiums)

FOURTH:
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 94 (1 podium, in 17 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 84 (2 podiums)

FIFTH:
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 68 (1 podium)
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 52 (in 17 starts)

PEOPLE STILL RACING FOR SOMETHING MEANINGFUL (i.e: lots and lots of money):
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 49 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 49
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 27 (in 17 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 27
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 18
Jenson Button (McLaren): 16 (in 17 starts, 1 DFL when no Manors started)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 17 starts)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9

PEOPLE STILL RACING FOR- ...WELL, WE'RE NOT REALLY SURE:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (11 finishes in 12 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs, 5-4 head-to-head against Stevens)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (5 finishes in 5 starts, best 12th, 2 DFLs, 3-1 against Stevens)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (13 finishes in 16 starts, best 13th, 9 DFLs)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 17
I spent most of this race listening to it while I was making pasta in the kitchen, but it sounded like a great time for everybody except Ferrari. And the podium ceremony was unbelievable.

THIS YEAR'S CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPION:
This year's driver's champion, Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 345 (10 wins, 15 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 272 (4 wins, 13 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED 2ND:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 251 (3 wins, 12 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 123 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED THIRD:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 126 (2 podiums, in 16 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 117 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED FOURTH:
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 88 (1 podium, in 16 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 84 (2 podiums)

THE BATTLE FOR 9TH AND 10TH PLACE:
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 68 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 47
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 45 (1 podium)
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 44 (in 16 starts)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 27 (in 16 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 26
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 18
Jenson Button (McLaren): 16 (in 16 starts, 1 DFL when no Manors started)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 16 starts)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (11 finishes in 12 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs, 5-4 head-to-head against Stevens)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (4 finishes in 4 starts, best 12th, 1 DFL when Stevens retired, 3-0 against Stevens)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (12 finishes in 15 starts, best 13th, 9 DFLs)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 16
Although rain fucks up everything, and the podium was pretty foregone-gonclusion, this was one of the best F1 races I've ever seen. Both Red Bulls dicing for the lead early on, both Toro Rossos in the mix for a podium in the middle of the race, both McLarens and Rossi in the Manor being in the mix for the points towards the end - there was nothing follow-the-leader about this, guys were just going at it hammer-and-tongs all up and down the field all through the race. Brilliant stuff.

THIS YEAR'S CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPION:
This year's driver's champion, Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 327 (10 wins, 14 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 247 (3 wins, 12 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED 2ND:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 251 (3 wins, 12 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 123 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED THIRD:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 111 (1 podium, in 15 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 109 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED FOURTH:
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 76 (1 podium, in 15 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 74 (2 podiums)

THE BATTLE FOR 9TH AND 10TH PLACE:
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 64 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 45
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 44 (1 podium)
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 38 (in 15 starts)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 27 (in 15 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 26
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 20
Jenson Button (McLaren): 14 (in 15 starts, 1 DFL)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 14 starts)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (11 finishes in 12 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (3 finishes in 3 starts, best 12th, 1 DFL)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (11 finishes in 14 starts, best 13th, 8 DFLs)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 15
Somehow, this turned into a high-attrition Monaco race. I don't remember it being that crashy last year, and reviewing, I note that it wasn't: a Marussia and a Caterham were the only two cars that weren't running at the end. This year? Not so much. Seven cars not running at the finish and a couple more not on the lead lap. Valteri managed to crash out and STILL finish ahead of the Manors.

THIS YEAR'S CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPION:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 302 (9 wins, 13 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 229 (3 wins, 11 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED 2ND:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 236 (3 wins, 11 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 123 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED THIRD:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 111 (1 podium, in 14 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 109 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED FOURTH:
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 76 (1 podium, in 14 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 73 (2 podiums)

THE BATTLE FOR 9TH AND 10TH PLACE:
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 54 (1 podium)
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 44 (1 podium)
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 38 (in 14 starts)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 33
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 25 (in 14 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 22
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 12
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 14 starts)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9
Jenson Button (McLaren): 8 (in 14 starts, 1 DFL)

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (11 finishes in 12 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (11 finishes in 13 starts, best 13th, 8 DFLs)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (2 finishes in 2 starts, best 14th)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 14
With the exception of Massa and Ricciardo ruining each others' races at the start, and Nasr retiring the car with two laps left for tactical reasons, this race was entirely free of reliability- or crash-related drama, and as such was probably as good a representation of driver skill and team strategy as we're likely to get. And with the exception of the already-mentioned and Kvyat (who had to start at the back due to breaking his everything during qualifying) they finished almost exactly in points order. Still a fun race to watch, though.

SOON TO BE AWARDED CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPION:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 277 (8 wins, 12 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 229 (3 wins, 11 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED 2ND:
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 218 (3 wins, 10 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 119 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED THIRD:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 111 (1 podium, in 13 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 97 (2 podiums)

SOON TO BE AWARDED FOURTH:
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 73 (2 podiums)
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 66 (1 podium, in 13 starts)

THE BATTLE FOR 9TH AND 10TH PLACE:
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 44 (1 podium)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 39
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 38 (in 13 starts)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 32
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 17 (in 13 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 16
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 13 starts)
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 12
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9
Jenson Button (McLaren): 6 (in 13 starts, 1 DFL)

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (10 finishes in 11 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (10 finishes in 12 starts, best 13th, 7 DFLs)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (2 finishes in 2 starts, best 14th)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 13
Surprisingly low-drama for a Singapore race. Anyone expecting kings of speed Mercedes to do well at a track where speed isn't nearly as important as aero and mechanical grip was probably disappointed, but frankly, I think they did surprisingly well, considering. Two items of note: Verstappen stalled at the start, went a lap down, and raced yhis way back to 8th -- which is brilliant -- and then ignored team orders to give it up to Sainz, which is less brilliant. I wonder what comes out of that. Also, the second safety car was caused by some asshole walking down the track, and I really wonder what comes out of that.

F1 CARS THAT WILL PODIUM:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 252 (7 wins, 11 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 211 (3 wins, 10 podiums)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 203 (3 wins, 9 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 107 (2 podiums)

RUNNING AWAY WITH THIRD PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, CHASING A PODIUM, AND PRAYING FOR RAIN:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 101 (1 podium, in 12 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 97 (2 podiums)

RUNNING AWAY WITH FOURTH PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, AND PRAYING FOR ENGINE RELIABILITY:
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 73 (2 podiums)
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 66 (1 podium, in 12 starts)

F1 CARS COMPETING FOR THE LAST TWO POINTS-PAYING POSITIONS AND TRYING TO CATCH WILLIAMS AND RED BULL:
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 39
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 38 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 30
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 30 (in 12 starts)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 17 (in 12 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 12
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 12 starts)
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 11
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9
Jenson Button (McLaren): 6 (in 12 starts, 1 DFL)

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (10 finishes in 11 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (9 finishes in 11 starts, best 13th, 6 DFLs)
Alexander Rossi (Manor): 0 (1 finish in 1 start, 14th)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 12
This race had every indication of being a snoozefest of a procession, with the top four spots occupied by Mercedes and Ferrari, and the Renault-powered cars performing dreadfully on top of having to start all the way in the back- ...then suddenly it suddenly wasn't. Unlike most F1 races, which have drama in the first turn, this one had drama in the first four seconds, when Kimi failed to launch, sending him all the way to the back. And Nico, starting right behind him with the least amount of time to react to that, went back to 7th-ish, and then everybody went back to the front (except the Lotuses and the Manors, of course) and Nico blew up and Verstappen started last, then had a drive-through on the first lap, and THEN put on a clinic and only managed to finish 12th, while Ricciardo started next to him and finished 8th in a much less impressive fashion- ...wow. Drama, all the way up and down the everything. ...except the Lotuses and Manors, of course, but neither one of them has sufficient funding to get their drama on the track.

F1 CARS THAT WILL PODIUM:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 252 (7 wins, 11 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 199 (3 wins, 10 podiums)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 178 (2 wins, 8 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 92 (1 podium)

RUNNING AWAY WITH THIRD PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, CHASING A PODIUM, AND PRAYING FOR RAIN:
Felipe Massa (Williams): 97 (2 podiums)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 91 (1 podium, in 11 starts)

RUNNING AWAY WITH FOURTH PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, AND PRAYING FOR ENGINE RELIABILITY:
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 58 (1 podium, in 11 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 55 (1 podium)

F1 CARS COMPETING FOR THE LAST TWO POINTS-PAYING POSITIONS AND TRYING TO CATCH WILLIAMS AND RED BULL:
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 38 (1 podium)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 33
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 30 (in 11 starts)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 26
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 16 (in 11 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 12
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 11 starts)
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 9
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 9
Jenson Button (McLaren): 6 (in 11 starts, 1 DFL)

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (10 finishes in 11 starts, best 12th, 6 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (8 finishes in 10 starts, best 13th, 5 DFLs)

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2015 F1 Season, Week 11
It's Speed Month in F1, Spa first and then Monza, which this season might make you think is bad for anybody without Mercedes power. But upgrades by Remault and Ferrari meant that qualifying times between 3rd and 9th on the grid were covered by three tenths of a second, so the first two spots were factory Mercedes to lose, but the third podium spot was nearly anybody's to win. And then Nico fell back to fifth at the start, and it looked like maybe 2nd could be anybody's as well. ...until he passed 'em all back and returned us to the usual Mercedes dominance. The eventual winner of the last podium spot was Grosjean, but only after Vettel ate a tire with a lap and a half left. Aside from that, and Ricciardo eating another engine, people finished about where you'd expect.

F1 CARS THAT WILL PODIUM:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 227 (6 wins, 10 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 199 (3 wins, 10 podiums)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 160 (2 wins, 7 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 82 (1 podium)

RUNNING AWAY WITH THIRD PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, CHASING A PODIUM, AND PRAYING FOR RAIN:
Felipe Massa (Williams): 82 (1 podium)
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 79 (1 podium, in 10 starts)

RUNNING AWAY WITH FOURTH PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, AND PRAYING FOR ENGINE RELIABILITY:
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 57 (1 podium, in 9 starts)
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 51 (1 podium)

F1 CARS COMPETING FOR THE LAST TWO POINTS-PAYING POSITIONS AND TRYING TO CATCH WILLIAMS AND RED BULL:
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 38 (1 podium)
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 26
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 25
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 24 (in 10 starts)
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 16 (in 10 starts)
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 12
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 9 starts)
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 9
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 7
Jenson Button (McLaren): 6 (in 10 starts, 1 DFL)

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (8 finishes in 10 starts, best 12th, 5 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (7 finishes in 9 starts, best 13th, 5 DFLs)

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Something's always wrong.
I am impossibly good at remembering where I've been, which is how I can say right now that my life is as good as it has been at any point in the last- ...let's say ten years or so. There are two creatures in my house, a girl and a dog, that both make me want to go there. My job is interesting, in a way that makes me want to go there. My finances are not augering in. I live well. I have a side job wherein a government agency pays me to drink.

...and I'm starting to wonder if 'happiness' is even a thing that I know how to do, or if I've just been miserable long enough that inertia makes me difficult to move from my comfort zone.

I am perpetually tired. I find it hard to focus. I consistently find things to do other than the things I know I need to be doing. I lack- ...urgency. And then I feel bad because I'm not doing the things that I know I need to be doing.

How to get out of this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWN1z5Evm44

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2015 F1 Season, Week 10
First, let me say that, if you only watch one F1 race in your entire life, you should watch this one. Set your Tivo, CNBC is re-running it on Monday 27 July at noon.

Other than the guys who finished first and dead fucking last, there was drama up and down the field from start to finish. Surprisingly high attrition, a remarkably large number of collisions and penalties, normally slow cars (McLaren) going fast and normally fast cars (Williams) going slow -- in the post-race interviews, pretty much everyone except the winner said something to the effect of "after the first corner, I thought my race was over"- ...in a year that many races have seemed pro-forma and predetermined, this was a riveting and surprising spectacle.

F1 CARS THAT WILL PODIUM:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 202 (5 wins, 9 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 181 (3 wins, 9 podiums)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 160 (2 wins, 7 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 76 (1 podium)

RUNNING AWAY WITH THIRD PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, CHASING A PODIUM, AND PRAYING FOR RAIN:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 77 (1 podium, in 9 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 74 (1 podium)

RUNNING AWAY WITH FOURTH PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, AND PRAYING FOR ENGINE RELIABILITY:
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 51 (1 podium)
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 45 (1 podium, in 9 starts)

F1 CARS COMPETING FOR THE LAST TWO POINTS-PAYING POSITIONS AND TRYING TO CATCH WILLIAMS AND RED BULL:
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 24
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 23
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 22
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 16 (in 9 starts)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 15
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 12
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 11 (in 9 starts)
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 9
Jenson Button (McLaren): 6 (in 9 starts, 1 DFL)
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 6

THINGS THAT WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (8 finishes in 9 starts, best 12th, 5 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (7 finishes in 8 starts, best 13th, 4 DFLs)

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This is not the future I was imagining
As I sit here in shorts and a hawaiian shirt, in what looks like the office of the world's worst accountant after a bomb has gone off, I'm redesigning how portions of Medicare work.

Not how it's supposed to work, mind you -- that's purely the province of politicians and bureaucrats -- but how it actually works in the real world, in the software.

Y'know, when I was younger, I always imagined that things like this were being done by people who were smarter, or at least better trained. Now, I console myself with the fact that it's perfectly okay that I have no idea what I'm doing, because I'm reasonably certain that most other people don't either.

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2015 F1 Season, Week 9
Although the finishing order was pretty much like you'd expect (modulo some remarkably high attrition for a Silverstone race) there was an awful lot of drama going on, from start to finish.

F1 CARS THAT WILL PODIUM:
Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes): 194 (5 wins, 9 podiums)
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes): 177 (3 wins, 9 podiums)
Sebastian Vettel (Ferrari): 135 (1 win, 6 podiums)
Kimi Räikkönen (Ferrari): 76 (1 podium)

RUNNING AWAY WITH THIRD PLACE IN THE CONSTRUCTOR'S CHAMPIONSHIP, CHASING A PODIUM, AND PRAYING FOR RAIN:
Valtteri Bottas (Williams): 77 (1 podium, in 8 starts)
Felipe Massa (Williams): 74 (1 podium)

F1 CARS COMPETING FOR THE LAST FOUR POINTS-PAYING POSITIONS AND TRYING TO CATCH WILLIAMS:
Daniel Ricciardo (Red Bull): 36
Daniil Kvyat (Red Bull): 27 (in 8 starts)
Nico Hülkenberg (Force India): 24
Romain Grosjean (Lotus): 17
Felipe Nasr (Sauber): 16 (in 8 starts)
Sergio Pérez (Force India): 15
Pastor Maldonado (Lotus): 12
Max Verstappen (Toro Rosso): 10
Carlos Sainz Jr. (Toro Rosso): 9
Marcus Ericsson (Sauber): 5
Jenson Button (McLaren): 4 (in 8 starts, 1 DFL)
Fernando Alonso (McLaren): 1 (in 8 starts)

THINGS THAT IT'S STARTING TO LOOK LIKE WON'T BE F1 CARS ANYTIME SOON:
Roberto Merhi (Manor): 0 (7 finishes in 8 starts, best 12th, 5 DFLs)
Will Stevens (Manor): 0 (6 finishes in 7 starts, best 13th, 3 DFL)

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